It is obvious that I have not written a blog post for quite some time now. Over seven weeks to be exact. I figured the few of you who follow me deserve an explanation…one I feel God leading me to share.
By the way, I appreciate you so much. I seriously do. For you to take time out of your busy lives to read what God puts on my heart to share….well I am so humbled and blessed. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
I don’t like to talk about my Fibromyalgia too much, other than with family. I have talked a little with my pastor, Sunday School class, and on Facebook asking for prayer, but I hate to appear whiny or wanting sympathy. As the saying goes; “It doesn’t define who I am”. But it is a very real and guargantuan part of my life that affects my health, my daily life, my family, relationships, my plans, desires, and my good intentions. It has stolen much from me. Most recently it has stolen my voice…my “writer’s voice”.
I am slowly figuring out how to take it back…and not let it get taken again.
I have said for years, rather tongue in cheek, that I can manage this FM just fine as long as I can live at my own pace. But there is much truth in that.
The hard thing is……life does not wait for us.
It is always marching onward, and either we keep up…or not.
The past few weeks, life has marched, stomped, and stormed its way through the Willsey family. There has been distance due to jobs, illness, surgeries, more illness, stress and more stress. I did my best to keep up, to take care of everyone. And I wasn’t even doing all (I felt) I “should” have been doing…all this mama’s heart wants to do. My heart still wants to do much more than I am physically capable of doing. So I crashed & burned.
This is difficult for me to share, because I have scared people off with the unattractive reality of what this illness does to me when I have pushed beyond my limits. What it does to me when life decides to forge ahead, dragging me along as I’m trying to keep up. It doesn’t even have to be with trials. It most definitely can be with very good things as well!
When I have pushed my limits physically, there is pain that is not relieved by anything, utter exhaustion, and lethargy. But beyond that, I can turn into an emotional wreck as well, with anxiety off the charts. I think that is the hardest part…the unattractive, ugly part. The seeming inability to control the floods of emotions and the anxiety. That is worse than the pain and fatigue.
But I have an Anchor, Who holds me securely.
“This hope is a strong and trustworthy anchor for our souls. It leads us through the curtain into God’s inner sanctuary.” Hebrews 6:19 NLT
Time. Time in His Presence has held me steady when I thought I was going to completely fall apart. Reading scripture. Reading it out loud. Writing verses out on cards, paper, in journals. Saturating my mind and heart with His words that breathe life into our very being. It does not remove the physical symptoms of this illness, but it calms my heart and mind. It changes my perspective and helps me to see beyond my present circumstance. It reminds me that He is my Jehovah Jireh who always provides what I need.
I promise, this is not going to turn into a blog about living with chronic illness. But God has let me know I cannot hide from it either. He continues to teach me much about myself…and Himself through these times of difficulties, whether it be my health issues or other trials (which will be another post 😉 ).
My desire is to be back posting at least once a week, on Wednesday evening or Thursday. However, if a Wednesday or Thursday goes by and I have not posted, please…
Just say a prayer for me.
Because probably life has forged ahead dragging me along again, and I’m too stubborn to just let go and give up!
Breathe in God’s love
Breathe out the sweet smelling fragrance of Christ.
Breathe in God’s grace
Breathe out thankfulness.
Breathe in God’s mercy
Breathe out a joyful heart song.
Still gazing toward the Son,