Why I’ve Been Missing

It is obvious that I have not written a blog post for quite some time now.  Over seven weeks to be exact.  I figured the few of you who follow me deserve an explanation…one I feel God leading me to share.

By the way, I appreciate you so much.  I seriously do.  For you to take time out of your busy lives to read what God puts on my heart to share….well I am so humbled and blessed.  Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

I don’t like to talk about my Fibromyalgia too much, other than with family.  I have talked a little with my pastor, Sunday School class, and on Facebook asking for prayer, but I hate to appear whiny or wanting sympathy.  As the saying goes; “It doesn’t define who I am”.  But it is a very real and guargantuan part of my life that affects my health, my daily life, my family, relationships, my plans, desires, and my good intentions.  It has stolen much from me.  Most recently it has stolen my voice…my “writer’s voice”.

I am slowly figuring out how to take it back…and not let it get taken again.

I have said for years, rather tongue in cheek, that I can manage this FM just fine as long as I can live at my own pace.  But there is much truth in that.

The hard thing is……life does not wait for us.

It is always marching onward, and either we keep up…or not.

The past few weeks, life has marched, stomped, and stormed its way through the Willsey family.  There has been distance due to jobs, illness, surgeries, more illness, stress and more stress.  I did my best to keep up, to take care of everyone.  And I wasn’t even doing all (I felt) I “should” have been doing…all this mama’s heart wants to do.  My heart still wants to do much more than I am physically capable of doing.  So I crashed & burned.

This is difficult for me to share, because I have scared people off with the unattractive reality of what this illness does to me when I have pushed beyond my limits.  What it does to me when life decides to forge ahead, dragging me along as I’m trying to keep up.  It doesn’t even have to be with trials.  It most definitely can be with very good things as well!

When I have pushed my limits physically, there is pain that is not relieved by anything, utter exhaustion, and lethargy.  But beyond that, I can turn into an emotional wreck as well, with anxiety off the charts.  I think that is the hardest part…the unattractive, ugly part.  The seeming inability to control the floods of emotions and the anxiety.  That is worse than the pain and fatigue.

But I have an Anchor, Who holds me securely.

“This hope is a strong and trustworthy anchor for our souls.  It leads us through the curtain into God’s inner sanctuary.”    Hebrews 6:19  NLT

Time.  Time in His Presence has held me steady when I thought I was going to completely fall apart.  Reading scripture.  Reading it out loud.  Writing verses out on cards, paper, in journals.  Saturating my mind and heart with His words that breathe life into our very being.  It does not remove the physical symptoms of this illness, but it calms my heart and mind.  It changes my perspective and helps me to see beyond my present circumstance.  It reminds me that He is my Jehovah Jireh who always provides what I need.

I promise, this is not going to turn into a blog about living with chronic illness.  But God has let me know I cannot hide from it either.  He continues to teach me much about myself…and Himself through these times of difficulties, whether it be my health issues or other trials (which will be another post 😉 ).

My desire is to be back posting at least once a week, on Wednesday evening or Thursday.  However, if a Wednesday or Thursday goes by and I have not posted, please…

Just say a prayer for me.

  Because probably life has forged ahead dragging me along again, and I’m too stubborn to just let go and give up!

Breathe in God’s love

Breathe out the sweet smelling fragrance of Christ.

Breathe in God’s grace

Breathe out thankfulness.

Breathe in God’s mercy

Breathe out a joyful heart song.

Still gazing toward the Son,

Love,

Debbie

 

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6 thoughts on “Why I’ve Been Missing

  1. Thank you so much for sharing!
    Fibromyalgia is extremely hard for others to understand. Every day I’m walking through it with you…and God is in between holding our hands. Thank you so much for blogging again! I needed your message today…a true blessing! 👼

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    • Thank you so much Diane for your sweet, encouraging words. How precious; “…God is in between holding our hands.” I have hesitated to write about my struggles with this. But I need to remember that God allows us to go through trials, to walk certain paths, so that we can be an encouragement to others. It always helps to know that we are not alone in this, that others DO understand! God Bless you. 🙂

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  2. I don’t know you Debbie but my friend Andy does and thanks to her sharing I read your blog. I am right there with you two ladies with multiple chronic diseases. I was a fitness major and 4 short years after graduating I was told I had to quit doing everything I loved and then my weight problem started due to all the medicines. Anyways, God bless you for sharing this because it is nice to know that someone else feels your pain (if one way or another). I would love to chat with you sometime! Don’t ever lose sight of our Lord and take great pleasure in the little things of life.

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    • Hi Anne, Thank you so much for taking the time to stop by. These physical things sure can take their toll on us, but God is always good, and He’s there with sustaining grace! I would love to chat with you sometime! If you are on Facebook, send me a friend request and we’ll go from there! God Bless you. 🙂

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